Regrets and lessons

I was struck recently by something that one of my friends on myspace posted about a week ago and I've been mulling it over in my head ever since. It's something I've heard other people say throughout my life and it's just never quite rubbed me the right way.

"No regrets, only lessons learned."

I understand the sentiment here, but I can't say I agree with it. A friend in high school explained it to me this way: why regret something that you thought was the best decision at the time?

Personally, I find this to be a very immature and somewhat flippant way of looking at life. By taking this view, one tries to lessen the impact of wrong decisions and stupid mistakes one has made. It's taking the easy way out, or at least the less painful way. No one (I hope) actually enjoys feeling guilty or bad about something, but by taking this stance one tries to avoid any real feelings of guilt or blame in an attempt to feel better about a bad decision or (sometimes accidental) mistake.
Certainly lessons are learned from mistakes, but can we truly have the lesson drilled home if there is no regret? It's easy to feel guilty for awhile and try not to make the same mistakes again, but once the feelings have passed and the waters are calm again, it's easy to forget said lesson and make the same mistake again.
I myself am guilty of this on many counts.

Certainly we feel bad when we hurt someone we love, and we try not to do it again. But by learning not so say something in a certain way or do something that hurts, should we really not regret having hurt them in the first place?

I feel the answer to that question is a definite NO. Of course you should regret having hurt someone, or having made a decision that hurt yourself in someway. There are certainly wrong things I have done that I knew were wrong and I didn't truly regret them (which is bad on my part), and there are also many stupid things that I have done and learned from but still deeply regret.
-I regret not helping that man all those years ago.
-I regret saying damaging things to my brother and that girl back in middle school.
-I regret not working harder in school.
-I deeply regret a certain relationship I had my first year and change of college and the decisions I made during that time. I deprived myself of a truly special experience and also added a great deal of extremely unwanted baggage to my life.
-I also deeply regret and will forever be sorry for the many ways in which I have hurt my husband, the man I love and value most. I did it always unconsciously, but is that really any better? In some ways it might be worse than purposefully harming someone, I'm not sure. Even though I've been forgiven time and again, I will always regret and feel sorry for those things.
Yes certainly I've learned from those mistakes, but to not face them with more than an "I'm sorry" somehow cheapens the other person's feelings.
-I regret the thoughtless acts that led to hurting my dad last summer. Again, not on purpose, but no better for that.

Not regretting an action to me says that you don't really feel all that sorry for it. How can you truly learn then? In Catholicism (from what I understand) just saying your Hail Marys and confessing is not enough to get you off the hook for a sin. You have to truly repent before you can be forgiven, and really even before you can start to feel a little bit better about it. I think that's a pretty good way of looking at wrong doings. Just saying I'm sorry and I won't (or will try not to) do it again isn't enough, and shouldn't be enough. I believe the larger Eastern religions are on the same or at least near by page with that philosophy. (Reese? You would know better than I.)

By trying to avoid guilt and merely saying you've learned your lesson is avoiding the very thing you should be looking at. How can you become a better person unless you really examine your own faults and wrong doings? How can you truly heal unless you take responsibility? How can you grow? It's something I've been trying to do in order to become a better person, and I think it's something everyone should do, or at least try. It's painful and it can be lenthy, but you'd be surprised what it can do for you.
Going through life with such a nonchalant outlook just seems to me to be a shallow and unconcerned way of living. Certainly you can't go through life weighed down by all your regrets. What kind of life would that be? However, unless you truly examine, feel sorry for, and in some way repent (to yourself, God, or another person) for your wrong doings, I don't think it's any way to truly live and in the end be happy with the way you've handled your life.

I'm not really sure if I've even expressed my thoughts and feelings the way I want to. I'm having trouble putting my thoughts into words and making it sound coherent and non-repetitive. It's just something I've been thinking on for awhile now and wanted to share.

pictures

Here are pictures of some of the things we've been up to the last few weeks.

On Saturday I went to the housewarming party of the woman I work for. Here's me with some of the students and fellow foreigners who attended. I got to play with a two month old baby!! I've yet to see such a well behaved infant. I'm told she's slept through the night from day one. Amazing.

Here are some of my students. Koichiro was trying to sneak out of the picture, the little scamp. Sadly, after Michiyo's move, some of these kids have changed days and I don't teach them anymore. Ah well.

Maurice in one of the many wheat fields in the area. Wheat is planted before the rice here and harvested in time for rainy season. The past few weeks, the golden fields have made the area quite scenic, though more than half of them are gone by now.

Sports day a few weekends back. Maurice with some of his (1st grade?) students. Soooo cute.

Some more students posing in our sunglasses.

Maurice participating in a relay race. He's so fast. Pity he only got to run a third of the track.

There were three teams (red, blue, white) that were made up of all three grades. Each team did a dance to proclaim their awesome-ness and pep up their fellow members.

Here's white team in school girl's skirts.

Red team

and blue team

A BBQ was thrown by some friends of ours in Takeo a few Saturday's ago at a lovely park near the Space museum. There is a large pond/small lake there where you can rent swan shaped pedal boats or row boats for 30 minutes. Of course we had to have a go. It was quite fun and the half hour passed much to quickly.

The men folk playing a few rounds of American football. I think it was some much needed sporty testosterone filled fun that my honey has been lacking lately. I not so great with the football thing.

More wheat fields. We recently took a ride around our town to view the fields before they all get cut down. The sound the dry golden wheat makes when a breeze snakes through it is very pleasant. It's a very gentle rustling rattle-like sound, almost like whispering. Very soothing... like ocean waves and rain .
Maurice defying laws of nature as he races over the field. I tried but seemed to be a bit more bound to the ground. Had to content myself with looking for the cute little toads that like to hide themselves in the wheat.

And finally two short clips of sports day. The first is a new game this year where kids piled together to form a horse and rider. Very clever and it looks quite fun.

...aaaaand after trying to embed it, blogger says the tag is broken.

Yay blogger. Sooo instead I'll just give you the link to follow:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=WdkCDFAVKGo

Also check out the kids versus the parents tug of war. One team seemed a bit better organized than the other. After their defeat, the losing team dropped to their hands and knees in a deep bow and begged for another try -- where they are annihilated a second time.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K61Own0SQWI

Catching up...

Boy have I been lazy about this blog... and after finishing putting this post together, I remember why! Putting in these pictures was such a pain! I still couldn't fix all the formating problems!

Time to post some Golden Week pics, now that it's nearly two weeks past!!So on Monday April 30th, we rented a car and drove up to a mountain that we can't get to by bike. I got the hang of left side of the road driving pretty quickly.

We hiked and hiked. It was my first realy one and it was a little tiring but really nice. Perfect weather for it and early enough in the warm season that there were no stupid mosquitos to worry about.

We had a lovely little picknick on top of that peak behind Maurice.

View from the top. You can't see it here but we were able to see some pretty cool storm clouds rolling towards us. We wisely decided to head down before the rain hit us.

Next day we were off to Kumamoto and Mt. Aso. The drive was pleasant and enough, though the storm clouds from the day before had left just clouds. We headed for Aso first and the clouds persisted. Then they turned into fog, and then really heavy fog. The wind was howling and we suited up in our winter gear. May first mind you and a year ago, Maurice was here with friends and they were all running around in shorts and t-shirts. Oh well. The volcano was really cool and the black sand everywhere was something I'd not seen before.

Looking down into the volcano at it's active toxic pond of death. Really beautiful between cloud breaks. Five seconds after I took this, the sun broke through and showed the true color of the lake. It was the most amazing milky blue-green that I've ever seen. By the time I whipped the camera out again, the sun had gone. Alas.

In case of flying rocks...

Exploring the near by sandy waste land...

There's a big ol' volcano behind thos clouds.

Looks like they could or should have filmed the scenes for Mordor in Lord of the Rings here. Very creepy, but so cool!

On to Kumamoto the next day! I ended up getting sick which put a bit of a damper on some of our activities, but it didn't stop me from wanting to see Kumamoto castle! We happened to arrive there on the 400th anniversary of the castle and there were festivities, complete with a stage performance of some ninjas duking it out.

Looking out a window at the moat.

And that sums up that part of the trip. We came home Wed after seeing the castle and I promptly plopped on the bed and was sick for two days. The Arita pottery fair which I had been looking forward to for a good long time got rained out on Saturday and when we went on Sunday, there were only a handful of places still open. Oh well, there's always next year.

In spite of the crummy weather and my nasty cold getting in the way of some activities, I still had a pretty good time.

*Final note to self an anyone else... when going to bars in Kumamoto, make sure you know ahead of time whether it's a pay by the hour place, that way you won't end up paying 3000 yen for two drinks and some chocolate chips snacks. Whoops.

effing google!

Well, I actually like google just fine, but I'm really annoyed about blogger now belonging to it. After the transition practically the whole thing -- as all of you living over here probably know by now -- is in Japanese. It's mostly because of this that I haven't posted anything in awhile. I CAN'T READ (most of) THE STUPID OPTIONS!!! I finally decided to just start pushing buttons and figure out how to post here.

Other than that...

As of friday I can now add a new item to the list of strange things I've eaten since coming to Japan.
I've had squid so fresh that it's skin was still changing colors, whale (which I feel guilty about now after learning about the sketchy way Japan gets whales), pig stomach, pig foot, raw and cooked boar meat, and now I have eaten horse.
Raw horse.

We went to a small Okinawan restaurant in town on Friday and it was lovely. I'd been once before and it has all kinds of crazy food (see afore mentioned pig foot) and we had alcohol with a dead snake in the bottle when last we went. There's a big tank in there with fresh salt water fish swimming about. Among other yummy and less strange thing, we ordered sashimi and the raw horse (which was actually quite tasty). A fish was grabbed from the tank right in front of us with much flapping about. A few minutes late it was on a plate in front of us, beautifully arranged with eyes still dilating and tail still twitching. A little creepifying but completely tasty.

Also on Friday, a package arrived from our moms containing birthday presents for Reese from mom and me, and his play station and games from home. Because of this, Saturday consisted almost entirely of playing Onimusha II. I don't remember the last time I was such a couch potato. We then went out for karaokee for two hours and I finally realized how fun it can be. I don't have to care about sounding good and it's a lot more fun when I can find songs that I know. We've now decided that every time we go we have to sing 'Phantom of the Opera', 'America' from Westside Story, and 'Supercalafragalisticexpiladosious' (I have no idea how to spell that).

Fun fun, and I'm now finding myself dangerously interested in playing/watching video games for hours on end.

following up on the last post...

If you've seen any recent pictures of Reese on his blog, you may have noticed that his hair has grown quite a bit. It has now taken on a very late 60's look, being very long and fluffy.

So, the other night he was on the computer and I had grown bored of whatever activity I had been doing. I decided it was time for his head to be covered in little pony tails. If one's hair is long enough to be played with, it ought to be from time to time.


There are five of these on his head. The one in front may look a bit silly, but believe it or not, I've seen quite a few Japanese girls and young women sporting something similar.






Then after that I decided to get bold and try something I've never tried before. I jokingly said that I should braid it next, and he said why not? The results of my first ever attempt really weren't too bad.






Not bad, eh?
But wait, it was so fun, we did it again last night! With better results.
















His hair doesn't hold it very well because of it's smooth texture so it's hard to get it to stay. I did it a second time last night with gel so he could wear it to school today. I think the kids will go crazy. It'll be interesting to hear what the teachers did. I'm putting my money on double takes and then pretending they didn't notice anything at all, as is so typically Japanese. Of course they'll talk behind his back, and also likely, in front of him because they forget he can understand most of what they say.


Anyway, fun times here. I do have to say though that I have a new found admiration for hair stylists who have to stand all day long. They also have very strong fingers and hands. Mine were pretty tired by the end of this. Because of inexperience and rebellious hair, it took me between an hour and a half and two hours each time. Quite a project for six little braids.

boredom sparks creativity

Question: what do two people do when it's too cold to go outside, you don't want to read, you've watched all the movies, you've played cards way too many times, and you're completely bored? Answer: You make your own monopoly game! Yes, that's right. We decided to craft our own game after having passed up buying the overpriced board game at the Saga Toy R Us, and having a failed online game attempt. We looked up the Seattle version of the game and then exchanged a few of the properties for a few of our own ideas. Additionally, Maurice rewrote all of the chance and community chest cards. Hours and hours (spread out over three days) of cutting, idea tossing, coloring, pasting, handing cramping writing, etc have ended in a nicely polished game that is so cool it will be going home with us in the end!!

Check it out!















Also, you gotta read some of these cards that Reese wrote. I contributed a few ideas, and a special thanks to Brittany for a few of hers, but most of it is the cleverness of my husband.

Community Chest selections:
-Settle a lawsuit out of court. Pay $150 and buy them a new dog.
-Got inspired by President Jimmy Carter! Start and endowment. Pay $100... and get liberal college students on summer break to build your next house.
-Low wages! No benefits! Yesss! Move labor overseas. Due to reduced costs, Collect $145.
-Your shady dealings finally catch up with you. Go to Jail, punk! And don't even thinkg of taking $200 for passing GO.
-"Help to governor with a "problem". Someday you may call upon him to do a favor. Get out of Jail free. (and that day may never come).

Chance selections:
-Caffeine time! Go to Starbucks and get your fix! Pay $15. (thanks Britty).
-One too many dead bodies, cat-sized rats, and fires are found in your establishments. The city's got to condemn it. Sell back on house/hotel back the bank at half value.
-Schmooze a rich powerful windbag you secretly despise. Pay $25... and plot his comeuppance!
-Time to be a weasel! Strike a deal with the justice department to cover your own butt. Send another player to jail.
-Goose liver! Brand names! Fish eggs. Eurocrap! Only the best for this guest. If it's gaudy, firvolous, or wasteful, they need it! Pay an extra $50 to the owner of the next property you stay at.
-You acquire a picture of one of the other players commiting an act so foul their own mother would punch them in the mouth. Don't pay rent on the next property visited. ...oh, it's foul...
-Activists demanding envirofriendly facilities. Pay $25 per house, $100 per hotel... for solar cells to shut the hippies up!
-You're caught speeding. ...and not wearing a seatbelt. ...and carrying a kilo of pure columbian coke. Go directly to Jail. No passing GO for you!
-Insider tip on starter company's stock pays off! Collect $150. ...and once again fight the realization you are an immoral selfish, materialistic, shallow, shell of a person.

Those were just some of my favorites. :D

I got my booty kicked when we first played, with two players a piece. Perhaps tonight I'll do better. Oh yeah, and an intruiging extra rule:
when there is more than one player per person, there is a role of the dice when trading goes on between that person's players in order to avoid sketchy trading between companies owned by the same person. The role determines whether the business transaction went unnoticed, or whether the dodgey trading IS noticed and the players are sent to jail, the companies are confiscated from both players and then auctioned off. Ohhhh... tricksy!!

I love my kids

I had the best time yesterday at the eikaiwa I teach twice a month. I was invited to teach the adult class earlier in the day and that went well. There were four people, two with pretty decent English and two with next to no English. We worked on "want" and just had general conversation and tea.

After that I have an hour and a half to kill before the kids' class starts. Two of my girls always show up really early and usually just spend that time playing outside. Yesterday they came in to see me and saw that I was trying to work on a little Japanese and immediately they took over. After noticing that I'm left handed, we all had a go at writing our names with the other hand. They inspected my hiragana practice ("jozu!") and drew stars all over my papers, and drilled me on reading and then showed me their names in kanji, which the broke down into hiragana. It was really fun. They were looking through all my stuff and grabbed my dictionary and looked through the kanji section and then (not noticing that all the kanji were spelled out phonetically in English too) wrote the ones they knew out in hiragana so I could read them. They really got a kick out the whole thing.

Following some suggestions from Maurice, I've added new ways to pep up the kids. It's a little hard sometimes because it's night time and the kids are tired from school all day and then they have to go learn English. Sometimes the energy can be low until a game towards the end comes up. However, with my new ways to make them laugh, the energy sky rocketed and we all had a really good time. The second class, which is a little more advanced, often is a bit harder to control because it's later (6:30, so they really don't want to be there) and there are two girls who like to try and run the show. It was still really good but I had to shout for the very first time, and because it was the first time it had the desired effect. Not a big deal at all, but Michiyo made them apologise at the end of class.

Good times over all, and I'm really looking forward to the next class in two weeks.





Some of my kids. The two girls on the left are the two who drilled me yesterday. Most of them are eight, but the little one on the right (who has the best English) is only six! All of them are really sharp though. If only I could get the girls to be louder in class! They're giggly and talkative before class but as soon as the boys show up... sigh...